Oh no! THE BANK LOAN!!!
By August 2011, the NeighborNetwork and Neighborhood Clouds had replaced T-Communications and Lifetime as our new business strategy.
The new product suite was based on a concept I termed Collaborative Automation.
With it, users could control automation devices in multiple homes and/or small businesses, as well as take part in a network of automated homes. Imagine neighbors coordinating their automation devices to help keep their neighborhoods safe.
My business partner and I hit the road with our updated marketing materials and brand-new web application.
She set up a meeting with a construction executive over dinner. He was kind. He listened intently but was not interested.
She set up several meetings with a real estate investor at their offices. He was interested at first but then backed out because he thought the cost of investment was too high.
We then submitted the idea to three local angel investors. None of them had any interest in helping us move forward.
A close friend of my business partner wanted to help, but he also had a business idea of his own. It was a card-based electronic medical record (EMR) system that let patients take ownership of their medical data. Carrying it in their purse or wallet, they could easily share it with their healthcare providers.
We called the new company MedEzer, and with the NeighborNetwork, they kept us very busy. I coded and developed marketing materials, while they developed business relationships. The funding was enough to keep us afloat until the end of October, but by mid-September, worry settled in.
On Sept 13, 2011, I wrote:
Lord, you are awesome. You are wonderful. Too wonderful, too good. I love You, Lord. I always will.
Lord, it is not wise for me to walk into November with no income—it is not wise, nor is it fair to my creditors to whom I am indebted. I have to find work; I have to have an income. I am able; I am willing. I don’t mind working, laboring for others with the talents You have blessed me with. But... I will not stop laboring for the dream either... How can I quench this burning desire in my heart & my soul? How cruel it is to have a seed with no place to plant it... I guess this is how You must feel about Your love. How cruel it is. Place Your seed of Love in my heart Lord.
And on Sept 14, 2011, I wrote:
Lord, You are Holy and Righteous and wonderful and Awesome and Great and Mighty and Everything we need. You are everything we need.
Yesterday I applied for 3 jobs, 1) as a project manager for [Company A] 2) as a software manager for [Company B] 3) as a business analyst for some start-up. The only one I would actually want is the [Company B] job. But what I really want is Salt Productions, NeighborNetwork & MedEzer... Lord, will these come to pass?
Then on Friday, Sept 15, 2011, I wrote:
Oh Lord How Excellent is Thy Name!
Lord, I don’t want a job! I have products to develop, Lord. Please help me! I need $25,000 to hold out until January. This month’s release is a disaster. Just about every task is taking twice as long as estimated to complete. This task I am working on now has a defect I cannot fix—what is wrong, Lord? Is there sin in my life? Unbelief? Lord, I believe! Please help my unbelief!
By the time January arrived, a financial storm was raging, and I was desperate.
On January 17, 2012, I wrote:
Lord, I love my life—my work, my relationships, my church. I am so grateful that You saved me from the pit and restored me to You as your beloved daughter.
But what is it You know about this situation that I cannot see? I continue to pull on your coat saying, ‘Daddy, see how they are coming for me, see they are at the door. Soon they will begin to pound on the door to break it in and drag me away to debtors’ prison... Daddy, I sought Your advice for every decision. Save me!’ And all the while You smile and say, ‘I know.’
What do You know that I don’t know? How is this going to end? What else can I do but trust You?
I continued looking for work—putting in applications, searching the web, writing resumes, communicating with recruiters—but it was just as the Lord said on July 4, 2011. None of them returned my calls. None of them offered me employment. They didn’t even give me a chance to interview.
I was of two minds.
I felt awful for continuing to try. Didn’t I trust God? Didn’t he say everything would be OK? I felt awful for not trying. My family did not know he was hiding me; I couldn’t tell them that. The only person I felt safe sharing my ‘God conversations’ with was my husband, but even he was shaken. We were behind on every bill, even our mortgage. How could we lose the house that God had given to us?
The pages of my journal filled up with pleading and endless, fruitless analysis as I kept trying to figure out what was going on while rejection after rejection showed up in my inbox. I was drowning in iniquity. I considered ending it all, taking my life, for I was worthless and life was meaningless.
Finally, on February 28, 2012, the Lord reached out to me with the hope I desperately needed.
YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR HOUSE.
And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him for they know his voice.
DO NOT FEAR... REST IN MY LOVE. IN YOUR WEAKNESS, I AM STRONG.
Two weeks later, I interviewed with a prestigious international consulting firm. They needed someone to mentor, teach, and lead RUP projects. The pay was generous, and the hours flexible, so I accepted the offer of employment, even though my soul mourned.
On March 29, 2012, I wrote:
Lord, please forgive me for my ungratefulness. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be my own boss, to own my own company, to give it a go. I do not have to die wondering, “What if?” I enjoyed the freedom so much that it absolutely breaks my heart to become indentured once again. But that’s what happens when you take risks, and yes, it is better to have lived and tasted freedom than to never have tasted freedom at all.
Lord, I just ask that you heal my broken heart and remove any root of bitterness from it so that I may continue to live in Your love and for Your glory.
AMEN.
I couldn’t go through with it, though. How could a gift from God feel so wrong? It can’t. If it doesn’t create awe, wonder, and anticipation, it cannot be a gift.
It had to be a test, so I turned the offer down.
A few days later, a car company from Michigan reached out about an Agile Coach position, but even after a stellar interview, they gave the job to someone else.
By then, it was late April, and time had run out. My SBA loan was mature. A payment was due on May 1, 2012, and I didn’t have the money.
If you have just joined us and are wondering what this story is about, start from the beginning. I promise it will all make sense.