Then, from behind the wheel, my stoic daughter gave me a quick sideways glance. “Do you have a bucket list? Is there anything else you want to do before you die?”

Her question took me by surprise. Was there anything else? I was comfortably retired; Noble and I had just celebrated thirty happy years of marriage that February. My children had college degrees and were putting their strengths to work in careers of their own. And as parents themselves, they were handing down that dream to the next generation.

What was left?

I want to write, and I do write—a lot. I am still working on the novel, In Her Bones, the Lord inspired me to write in 2019, and, of course, I am writing this memoir. Yet I am torn. The publishing industry is no kinder than the software industry. I am merely one of millions of want-to-be authors, no more special, and no more talented than others. Do I want to invest the time, and the tears, into writing like I did with my business? What if it too comes to nothing? What if I spend the last decades of my life writing books that no one publishes? Or worse, books that no one reads.

Wouldn’t it be easier to just sit down and shut up?

This doublemindedness reminds me of Jesus’s parable of the talents. In it, a man distributed his wealth to his stewards according to their ability. To one, he gave five talents. To another, he gave two, and to still another, he gave one. The one who had five worked hard and made five more. The one who had two made two more, but the one with one talent hid theirs in the ground because they were afraid.

What were they afraid of? Failure? Perhaps, but is fear of failure deserving of exile into the darkness where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth? More likely, since they obviously did not know their master, they thought their efforts would go without reward, and if there was any increase, it would go to a selfish man who did nothing to gain it. He was already rich. Why make him richer?

People who came to hear Jesus teach had experienced oppression in its harshest forms. Their culture had been under the thumb of tyrannical regimes for hundreds of years. First, the Assyrians. Then the Babylonians, the Persians, the Greeks, and finally, the Romans. They were poor. No. They were destitute. Why use what little they had left to make Rome richer?

The parable was for them, but it is also for us, because most of us, at some time or another, face oppression of some sort.

Murderers take our loved ones from us, leaving vulnerable holes that the world clamors to fill with its vices.

Husbands abuse their wives (and vice versa), destroying trust and producing isolation.

Organizations denigrate women, stealing their talents and nullifying their souls.

Influential men hoard resources while continuously plotting to accumulate more.

But our Father in Heaven is for us. No matter what social position we are in when we come to him—he is for us. So, no, I will not give up. I will press on. I refuse to bury my one talent in the ground, for I know my God is good, and no one can tell me otherwise. He rewards those who diligently seek him. Now, and in the kingdom that’s coming.

Published Fiction Dream: Fulfilled!!!

I have been self-publishing speculative fiction on Substack since August 2023 and have gained 101 subscribers, many who read my stories every week!

Check out what else I am writing.

This story is over and I thank you for sharing this spectacular journey with me. Please let me know if it reminded you of your own journey. I would love to encourage you.

If you have just joined us and are wondering what this story is about, start from the beginning. I promise it will all make sense.

Surprise me Lord! I am forever Your servant. Amen”

I was surprised by 2019, but not in good way. And not because some random white guy was mean to me. That would not have been shocking. What I didn’t expect was to spend the entire year questioning my identity and doubting my ability to hear God’s voice. Who wouldn't, though? Especially when a God-inspired dream turned out to be not true.

Did I make this whole story up? Is it a spectacular work of fiction that all began thirty years ago when a “w” mysteriously slipped under a line in my journal?

But my marriage dream came true.

So what? I’m an agreeable woman, and somewhat attractive. I only needed to choose the right spouse.

What about my dreams for college and career?

Anybody who believes they can—will. Returning to school and graduating was simply the presence of tenacious willpower. Obtaining advanced technical degrees during an information technology revolution allowed me to think for a living.

And my children’s education?

They were intelligent and driven learners—of course they would go to college. What could stop them?

I must confess; any sane, rational mind would deduce that repressed disappointments from my childhood and early adulthood created decades of hallucinations, visions of grandeur that set me apart as a favored one of God so my mind could survive in this hostile hell-scape we call Earth!

Our brains, our subconscious minds, are certainly capable of it.

My confusion only compounded after graduating from Bible school in May. During the ceremony, the pastor laid hands on me, as was custom. An emotional creature, I usually responded to such demonstrations with tears at the very least, but I didn't even cry. I stood there calmly listening to a pastor who had not so long ago declared to his congregation that all Democrats were evil. Yet the words he spoke over me were generous and kind. He praised me as an anointed worshipper and prophesied an out-of-the-box marketplace ministry where I would lead many to Christ.

That is not the future God promised me, though. He said I would come out of the marketplace in 2019. But I had to admit, my business wasn't flourishing like he said it would, either. The last time I got paid for my services was in the spring of 2017, the exact same time he revealed my name, Mishalariah. So what great fruit was he talking about? I didn't see anything that could overwhelmingly affect the lives of 100,000 people.

It had to be my fault. In the second half of 2018, I embraced a new brand, having no more patience for corporate leaders and their Agile programs that were simply transparent covers for their selfish ambitions.

I updated my LinkedIn description for Salt Consulting:

“As an experienced software development professional and coach, I seek to work for organizations that are excited about the prospect of focusing their people on their strengths and not their weaknesses. Are you looking for someone to join you in your quest to free your people to be their very best? I want to share that journey with you.”

I updated the website.

I left no room for misinterpretation. I valued people & their interactions over processes and tools, and I wasn't interested in working with clients who did not value the same things. It soon became clear, clients had no interest in working with me, either.

A non-profit colleague recommended me to an electronic medical records company. They dropped me like a hot potato right after the first call.

A software development consultancy sought me out via LinkedIn. I had coached one of their employees and knew it was a sweatshop, so I asked them to join my associates program that invited consultancies into the People First revolution. I never heard from them again.

Still another company asked for an in-person sales call. As soon as I walked into their building, I felt the dissonance—as if each soul within those walls was weeping and gnashing their teeth. About halfway through a meeting where I was mostly grilled by three handsome, ambitious managers, I knew. People First would not be welcome there. They were not interested in empowering their people. They were merely searching for ways to promote themselves. I abruptly, yet politely, ended the meeting, gathered my things, and left.

When it came time to submit my talk for the TechFest in June, I told the organizers it would be my last. I spoke at that conference every year for six years, and the seventh was time to say goodbye. I used the opportunity to promote my GetStrong(ER) App that sent encouraging strengths-based messages to team members via Slack.

I got the idea for GetStrong(ER) early on, but the feature did not survive successive rewrites. Back then, I did not have time to write 918 messages1, but in 2019, I did—have time, that is. Product development had slowed down to maintenance releases, so I created a free Open Community plan for anyone, anywhere, to identify their SDLC strengths and receive weekly encouragement. Then I crafted my presentation to reveal the value of self-awareness in the workplace. The title of the presentation was, "Know Thyself."2

Please. No more weeping and gnashing of teeth.

In 2018, when I gave a talk on “Integrating Slack,” there were about ten people in the audience. In 2019, it was standing room only. The venue was so packed that people had to stand in the hallway, pressing in at the door to listen. Even the three managers I had walked out on were there, sitting right in the center.

I smiled and began by comparing myself to the Oracle.

I told them how I once had a vision for living my dreams.

I told them how the vision became clearer after becoming aware of my strengths.

I told them that was the catalyst for the People First Empowerment Platform.

Then I demonstrated several GetStrong(ER) messages, showing what powerful motivators they could be if used consistently in the workplace.

For application architecture & Connectedness:

“There is a reason why good architecture exists. It doesn't happen by accident. Decisions made over time by different people with different backgrounds are all connected in a way only you can see. Help your teammates understand how the beauty (or destitution) of architecture is the result of everyday decisions.”

For system integrity and Restorative:

“Some sprints are stopped dead in their tracks due to defects that cannot be found and/or fixed. Until you come along, that is. The team is relying on your uncanny ability to bring order to chaos. You know you can, and you will.”

I invited the audience to sign up for the Open Community, telling them that my unique strengths made me the perfect advocate for them in their workplace.3

It was my best delivery—ever. I received a standing ovation and many, many personal congratulations at the end.

Over the next weeks and months, several users signed up, and I sent them messages every week until the end of the year. It was through Slack, so I don't know if the fruit of them was good. I only know that I would have loved getting messages like that.

As a motivated, yet novice, programmer in 1994, I had a talent for Ideation and cared about implementation, so I imagine getting a GetStrong(ER) message would have felt like that hiring manager telling me that I wrote beautiful code. That single statement propelled my career into the future I dreamed of. But I don't know if my users wanted to keep receiving messages, because when it was time to come out, I sent them all a goodbye message and left the platform for good. I released it out of my hand and gave it back to the Lord.

Well, it didn't go that smoothly. I'll let my final journal entries for 2019 tell the rest of this unbelievable story.

On September 30, 2019:

"Happy New Year!

It is Rosh Hashana and the first day of the year 5780, and the end of year 5 from my dream. I will wait until Oct 29 to determine whether or not this dream has been fulfilled and if not, whose fault it is—mine. Anyway. Last night, this am, I had a strange dream. Actually, I have been having a lot of strange dreams. This dream had some parts to remember. Someone, I went to their office, and they called me in and gave me a piece of paper with a phone number and name on it. They told me that I needed to contact them—a publisher. I walked away thinking, "why do I need a publisher?" But I found a phone, an old one with push button dialing, but I couldn't get the number right. [Name], a bible school classmate, came along to help and dialed the number for me. The phone connected. Someone answered. I asked for the person written on the paper. I don't remember the name now, but the person on the phone said the person was not available to take my call. I then informed them that I was calling by reference. I waited. They hung up. I was shocked, dismayed, disappointed but convinced I didn't need to make that call in the first place. Even though I came recommended by the king of the universe, I was still rejected. Surprise! They rejected Him too.

Oh, Lord, how much do I want to quit trying. I want to quit."

On October 6, 2019:

"Good morning, Lord!

I realize something this morning, these past few days. Nothing! Nothing can stop You from keeping Your promise. You make promises for the future knowing all, knowing whether I would be faithful, knowing whether I would faint, knowing whether I would arise each day in expectation. Lord, every day I arise in expectation. It is the end of the 5^th year and You and I both know this. You promised that the fruit of the 5th year would be great, that it would be great enough to fill the storehouses of 100000! Father, I am waiting. And I know, nothing can stop You."

On October 21, 2019:

"The Feast of Tabernacles ended yesterday. 5779 is over. The celebrations have ended. The 5^th year is over. 5780 has begun. The outcome of this year is no different than the 4 years before - nice.… And I wouldn't be sad except for the promise... So instead of being content, I feel like my life is caving in on me. Like I am collapsing. My head hurts and my eyes are filled with tears. Is it true You count our tears? I have spent the last five years focusing on today. And for what? Five years is a long time, Lord. It will take weeks to get over this disappointment. But if You slay me..."

On October 22, 2019:

"The day of Simchat Torah draws to a close as well. Well, this is it. It's over. There is no need to continue in expectation. What am I to do now? I would not be here if not for a dream. I would not be here if not for an interpretation. 5 years of my life have been invested—for what?

Lord, Lord. I know You had nothing to do with this. It is (was) my own delusions of grandeur. My own desire to be more than what I am.

What am I to do now? I am having an identity crisis."

On November 12, 2019:

“There is something odd on my work calendar. I don't remember how it got there but it says "Growth!!!" for Salt Productions & Salt Consulting. I did get 1 new GetStrong(ER) on-line sign-up today :-)

Maybe I got the timing wrong. Maybe the years are being counted from Nisan to Nisan and not Tishrei to Tishrei. If it's from Nisan to Nisan, we have until March/April of 2020 to fulfill the promise to me. I didn't start using the platform until March 2015. Is that when I dove in? When I actually used the platform for training and coaching? I could believe this if it is true. Is it true Lord? I cannot hear You.

I suppose it cannot hurt to push through until March. I still have the drive. I still have the desire. I just don't have any more funds. I have about $30 in my business account."

On December 17, 2019:

Thank You for the book idea, Lord. It satisfies my hunger. I have done so much work on it already. Getting the research done is fun. I'll be crying out to You when the writing starts :-)

This is what Beth Moore wrote on Twitter today @ 1:53 pm. 'Not seldom does God call us to letting go in order to ready us for an adding to. I don't say this lightly or tritely. It's hard. We want Him to do a new thing, but sentimentality has glued us to an old thing that's served its purpose. There comes a time when it's time to let go.'

Lord, it is so hard for me to let go of my dream. It is so hard to let go of technology/ computer science/ programming/ software development. It is so hard.

Even So, Come Out 2019"

And finally, on January 1, 2020, I wrote:

"Happy New Year!

I know, time has no boundaries for You. Except the boundaries You have set, Your Sabbaths, Your feasts. I do not expect anything to change just because this man-made marker has been reached. Yet, I did change. Before midnight, I updated both my LinkedIn and Twitter profiles to indicate a branding change. I closed out Salt Consulting and took down the People First & Salt on-line websites.

I am done. No longer will I seek to barter my services for money via Salt Consulting. And since the platform's purpose was to support my consulting, well, that's done then too. All done. Now what? I will take the rest of January to finish closing out my businesses.

And I will start writing my book."

If you have just joined us and are wondering what this story is about, start from the beginning. I promise it will all make sense.

Spirit’s words drifted in from the other side of the door. “So how can you be disappointed?”

Against the sound advice of family and friends, I gave away my services again and again. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that I didn’t want to make money. I did, so much so, that I tried to convince the food distribution non-profit to hire me as their Agile Development Lead. I was already their pro bono Agile Coach, but they ended up hiring someone else, a man twenty years younger than me. That was discouraging, but I was sure new paying contracts would turn up after the Heart of Agile Conference 2018.

The conference had been a big hit in 2017, so as soon as I learned it was coming back to Pittsburgh, I volunteered as the social media director. Unfortunately, the organizer quit a few weeks later, leaving me, and only me, as the local support person.

I did the best I could.

I went to every local Agile event and spoke. Sent emails to every organization I could think of to get sponsorships. I messaged every Agile contact I had, asking them to register for the conference and submit a talk for the program. After receiving the submissions, I presented them anonymously to the conference team for review.

I did all this while pushing out social media content daily.

In the end, we got just enough sponsors and registrations to cover expenses, and just enough talks to fill the open slots in the star-studded program—including mine. My talk was the last one selected; I got in by the skin of my teeth.

No more disappointments. 2018 was going to be my year.

Then a week before the conference, the phone rang. It was my mom. She was crying hysterically. Her defibrillator had gone off—twice, and she felt like she was dying. I rushed to her house, arriving just as the ambulance showed up. I held her hands and prayed fervently with her as they loaded her into the back. They got her to the hospital, stabilized her, and then life-flighted her to another hospital for emergency surgery. She eventually recovered, but I withdrew into a deep, dark place that I did not understand.

Hosting that conference was the opportunity of a lifetime. There were hundreds of attendees. I could have been, should have been, a co-star of that show, making my name, my brand, synonymous with Agile throughout the entire Greater Pittsburgh area. But I blew it. Besides presenting my talk, I did not take center stage. I couldn’t. I hid behind my camera in the shadows, feeling more out of place than ever.

Stop reaching for stuff that does not belong to you, Black girl.

After the conference was over, I wilted into the background and practically disappeared for the rest of the year.

I stayed optimistic, though. On September 9, 2018, I wrote:

"Good morning, Lord! Today is the last day of the 4^th year!

If I reflect on this last year, how can I say anything else but, yes, it was nice.

Professionally, I helped [Non Profit] get unstuck and deliver their product to their customers. I helped them adopt a process that they continue to use to help free our nation of food waste. Lord, even though my relationship with [Name] is not great, I am so glad to have had such an impact and continue to be a supportive part of their organization—that was nice.

I helped bring the Heart of Agile conference to PA. I worked really hard, and it was a great conference. [Name] and [Name] were kind and welcoming, but I am not drawn to them and their mission, so I have not kept in touch since they left. But—that was nice.

I successfully integrated Slack into my product and delivered a talk about it at TechFest that was well received and got my current customer (albeit pro-bono)—that was nice.

I just gave a talk at the Pittsburgh Technical College (PTC) to inspire the next generation of scientists/technologists that was well (very well) received—that was nice.

And during this entire year, I had no contracts, yet I had no financial need. I actually have more than enough. I have this home. I have a car. I have spending money with an ask. I have my health—that was nice.

I do not have to labor for the roof over my head or the food on my table.

My needs are met by the Lord, my Father who is my provider.

…

My mom has been in and out of the hospital a few times. She almost died in April. But...she did not die. She is not discouraged. She is not afraid. She continues to live. She continues to love. She continues to add value to everyone she knows. That is nice.

Church. My faith soared while attending Bible school. I learned so much and still served in Sunday school. My church attendance dwindled to almost nada during [daughter]’s last trimester to [grandson]'s third month and I feel even more disconnected from GWO. Yet I am not rejected by them, and I guess that is nice?

And so, as I reflect on the past year, again I must say—It was nice. And as we go into year 5, Lord, I am so excited to see what You are going to do. I have spent many hours trying to imagine what You are going to do and how You are going to do it.

But my thoughts are not Your thoughts, and my ways are not Your ways.

Surprise me Lord! I am forever Your servant. Amen"

If you have just joined us and are wondering what this story is about, start from the beginning. I promise it will all make sense.

Mishalariah means, “God Dreams.”

Mishalariah sat perched on the edge of her couch, visibly shaken. “I am she? We are one?” She buried her face in her hands. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Spirit entered the chamber and placed his hand on her shoulder. “Would you have done anything differently?”

“I would have pushed harder!”

Spirit smiled. “Misha, you did an amazing job. You said so yourself. You said you love the life I gave you.”

“But now I have to do more.” She looked up at him with glassy eyes. “I am not doing all I could.” She looked down at her hands. “—service. I am not serving. From inside my beautiful house, I watch as the world suffers and dies in ignorance.” She looked up again, her eyes imploring. “I should be teaching. I should be encouraging.”

Spirit sat down in the blue velvet chair and smiled. “There is nothing more you need to do, Mishalariah. Don’t you remember? Your name means you can have whatever you ask. And you can have what you ask because what you ask for is what I desire.”

"I don't understand."

Spirit leaned forward and took her hands in his. "Tell me again. What do you wish for, Mishalariah?"

She sat in silence for a moment. "My dream is to see your kingdom on earth as in heaven," she replied. "I want people to love you as I do."

Spirit’s smile spread broadly across his face. "Then this is what you must do. Do not hoard the money you earn. Be generous with what I give to you."

Mishalariah hung her head. "I own nothing but my home. I love my home, but actually, it is not mine. It belongs to the bank." She laughed. "So, I have nothing. All my treasure is in heaven, and so, my heart is with you, Lord."

Spirit’s eyes narrowed.

Mishalariah's eyes widened. "Well, I used to give away a lot more—sometimes, I think, to my detriment. Like the house on Taylor avenue. We lost tens of thousands of dollars on that house, all because I wanted a single mother to have a large, safe house to raise her children."

Spirit’s head cocked to one side. "Did that loss affect your lifestyle?"

She shook her head. "It did not. We are content."

Spirit leaned in further. He opened his mouth and words flowed out like a breeze in the summer sun. "No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be loyal to the one and have contempt for the other. You cannot serve both God and money."

Mishalariah fell to her knees and pressed her face against his feet. "I love you, Lord! I trust you, Lord! I am giving my services to a non-profit organization. I thank you for the work. Thank you for feeding the hungry."

Spirit hovered over her, continuing as if he didn’t hear. "I will feed you. I will clothe you. I will put a roof over your head. I am your provider. Look at the birds in the sky. They don't sow seed, or harvest grain, or gather crops into barns. Yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren't you worth much more than they are?” He hesitated. “Will worry add a single hour to your life?"

She glanced up, her brow furrowed. "I am not worried."

"You do worry, Mishalariah. But you repress your worry. That is why you eat too much. That is why you drink too much. That is why you grind your teeth."

She hid her face in her hands. "Help my unbelief. Help me stop worrying about tomorrow."

He reached down and stroked her hair. "Live like a fool. The ways of God are foolish to men. Give away your money like there will always be more. Give away your time like it will never end. Love like there is no tomorrow."

Mishalariah got up from the floor to reach under her pillow. She pulled out the Ayin and handed it to him. "You also asked me to develop People First. I don't understand why, but I trust you. I am excited about the possibilities, but I am also ready for disappointment. Is that unbelief?"

Spirit stood up and smiled. "Again, I tell you, live like a fool. Give away your time like it will never end. Love like there is no end of tomorrows."

He moved towards the door.

Mishalariah held up her hand. "Wait!"

He stopped just inside the doorway, turning to face her.

"When my days on earth are over, will you say to me, 'well done'?"

"Why do you ask?"

She shrugged. "My best work, my best years, were the years I lived in Mom’s attic. The years that I poured my life into the children of Bethlehem."

Spirit backed out slowly through the door. "What about the years you poured into your children? And the years you learned to love your husband? What about the time you took to honor your mother?" He disappeared into the darkness. "What about the tithes you invested in the kingdom? Your generosity to your family and friends? What about all the time you spent with ME?"

Mishalariah's face and hands began to glow, filling the chamber with her light. Opening her mouth wide, she began to sing loud and on key.

"Faithful you are! Faithful you forever will be.

All your promises are yes and amen.

And as this year is ending, I can only say it was nice, Lord.

I will rest in your promises. My confidence is in your faithfulness.

Lord, you always keep your promises!"

Spirit's words drifted in from the other side of the door. "So how can you be disappointed?"

If you have just joined us and are wondering what this story is about, start from the beginning. I promise it will all make sense.

They said I needed new screen layouts, new colors, new navigation, and a brand new architecture to support it all.

That meant I had to rewrite the entire application. Again.

I pressed hard into the rewrite. Free online classes got me up to speed on the new architecture. Then I coded each user story again, taking no breaks. Even when Noble and I visited Barbados in February for our 25th wedding anniversary, I spent the sweltering hours of each day coding in the cool shadows of our condo. I finished the improved version in early spring, updating the user experience and architecture, and adding the feedback I received in 2016 as new features.

For one, the manager’s role changed. They could already build teams using strengths. Now they could use both strengths and skills to figure out who should be on which team. I also removed access to individual resonance ratings. Instead, I created a coach role with access to combined ratings, much like the ones I shared with the PMO Leader. Besides using the role to manage my teams, I planned to use the coach role in the future for agile coaches trained in People First techniques.

The People First assessment also changed. Drastically. The previous assessment was no more reliable than asking a team member outright if they cared about a particular perspective. To counteract their self-bias, I added two additional levels of motivation. So, when team members selected a perspective they cared about, it turned pink, meaning they were motivated. If more than half of the team agreed, it turned light blue. That meant they were accountable. Later, an agile coach could change it to dark blue when the team member achieved leadership capabilities in that perspective.

During all those months of coding, I was also pressing hard into Bible school. Enrolled since September 2011, I took one class per term, but in 2017 I started taking two or three. At that pace, I was on track to graduate in May 2019.

One class I signed up for that spring proved to be both practical and prophetic. In it, we discussed in dogged detail how painful childhood experiences cause us to miss our calling. It was true. I never got over being told Black girls could not be astronauts. Sure, that was the sixties, and there were no Black astronauts then, male or female—at least none we could see.1 The unjust exclusion devastated me, and it set a precedent in my soul.

Do not reach for things that are not yours, Black girl.

I kept reaching for new customers anyway, but my grasp returned nothing but air. Thankfully, the online marketplace renewed their yearly subscription, but other than that, there were no prospects for continued growth. My business consultant introduced me to a few more people, but none showed interest, even with the new interface and features. We began meeting less and less, leaving me to search out customers on my own.

I presented the platform to an old friend who was the CTO of a local startup. He and his analyst were kind and attentive and gave me great feedback, but no sale—even though I asked for it. He said it was too expensive.

I showed it to a colleague. I didn’t realize he was between jobs. “Sorry,” he said.

After demonstrating it to another colleague, a Black female software engineer, she suggested I would get better traction in Atlanta. Atlanta? I couldn’t go to Atlanta.

I contacted the owner of the consultancy that staffed developer positions for the online marketplace. They were already familiar and happy with the People First platform. Surely they would be interested in using it with their other clients. No, they were not.

I set up a videoconference with a manager from a company in New York. “We can’t use that here,” she said.

By late spring, my hands were still empty, so I put my heart into preparing for the TechFest in June. My presentation was called Somebody Has to Care! A Disruption to Traditional Cross-Functional Collaboration; it represented twenty-plus years of observation from the trenches of software development, answering the question so many in the industry were asking. How do you diffuse process improvement in software development organizations? My answer. Put People First.

First, I presented the problem. It takes many kinds of people to develop software, but they don’t understand each other’s points of view. They often end up hating each other. Second, I explained the nine perspectives and tested them right then and there with the attendees as my subjects.

My lovely young assistant passed out Caring Cards to people who resonated with the descriptions. Then, I presented three agile activities, and after each one, I asked everyone who cared about the activity to stand up. Showing the corresponding perspectives, I asked those standing what cards they held.

Everyone’s mouths dropped open.

Out of approximately one hundred attendees, only one person possessed a card that did not match. That was not the end of the presentation, though. I further illustrated how I used these methods in not one but three organizations—all with positive results.

The audience clapped, and many came up afterwards to congratulate me personally. I was so encouraged. Was I finally going to get the contracts I so desperately needed? It certainly looked promising, especially when a woman from Red Chair Pittsburgh asked for my card.2 Shortly after that, she introduced me to the CEO of a non-profit to end food waste. They wanted to support their grass-roots food distribution network with a mobile software application, but they were struggling to get it off the ground.

By mid-September, I was their pro bono agile coach, using People First to empower their people to reach their goals—together. So, even with the crushing disappointments, 2017 ended up being nice after all. Especially due to the Bible school class—the one that was practical and prophetic. It was practical because it helped me understand why my disappointments were so devastating. It was prophetic because God finally revealed my name, the one I had been attempting to discern for decades.

The six of us were in the classroom that evening, including our Bible teacher, who stood before the well used whiteboard that clung precariously to the front wall. She had worked hard to cultivate community amongst us, and it worked. We cared about each other. We trusted each other, and that night, on the last day of the term, she told us it was time to ask God to disclose our real names—our true characters. Our fervent prayers saturated the room until it practically pulsed with our praise.

Then I heard it, a small voice deep within my spirit. “Your name is Mishalariah.” I ran from the classroom in shock and fell sobbing on my face in the hallway.

I do not deserve such a name!

It is so much weightier than Misha, which means “Who is like God.” Are not we all made in his image? Or Mishala, which means dream or desire. Anyone who knew me would tell you I was a dreamer. However, adding -iah to the end of a name implies God’s intimate involvement; like Isaiah means “God Saves,” and Zechariah means “God Remembers.”

Mishalariah means, “God Dreams.”

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Spirit lingered long at the chamber door until Mishalariah, at last, looked up.

"Mishalariah. You missed our appointment."

"I'm so sorry," she said, shoving the Ayin under her pillow. "2016 was a pretty good year—for business."

"For business?—"

Mishalariah's eyes were wet, and her cheeks stained with recent tears. "I am so confused. How can we be so at home with a people, yet at the same time be so alienated from them?"

Spirit sat down in the blue velvet chair. "Tell me."

"The religious leaders.” Her lip quivered. “They say if we would put that man in leadership, you would bless our country." She clenched her fists. "But that is not what you want!" She leaned toward him. "You want us to put you in our hearts!"

Spirit’s face was indiscernible in the darkness. He didn’t say a word.

Mishalariah looked down at her balled fists and loosened them. "She doesn’t like her church anymore, the family of believers you have given us to." She glanced up, her eyes pleading. “She wants to stop going to Bible school.”

Spirit shook his head. “You have only a few more years until graduation.”

"But so many are deceived—even after studying Daniel.” Mishalariah squinted toward Spirit in the darkness. “Why didn't they see what I saw? Why didn't they hear what I heard?"

Spirit did not reply.

Her shoulders drooped. “How many times will humans make the same mistake? Instead of submitting to justice out of LOVE for our neighbor, they choose self-preservation at any cost.” Again, her hands curled into tight fists. “Their plans are going to implode!”

The wall at her back sparked wildly, and the chamber flooded with light. Not from the walls. From her. Her face, hands, and feet glowed like the moon reflecting the sun. She paused and took a deep, calming breath through her nose. “Is it not our mantra, ‘Even so, Lord Jesus, come?’”

Spirit was silent, still.

Mishalariah covered her face with her hands and moaned. "Am I the one being deceived?"

Spirit’s fingers pressed into the arms of the blue velvet chair. "No," he said.

Her hands dropped and her eyes widened. "So, I am right?!"

Spirit slumped back into the velvety plushness, his lips firmly shut. When he finally opened his mouth, he said, "Why do you want to be right, Misha? Search your heart. You do not intend to prove your intuition with research, so why do you want to be right without doing the work? Why would LOVE want to be right? Use Love as your mirror."

With a sigh of resignation, she lowered her head.

Spirit leaned forward. "It is true, even the elect will be deceived, but Love protects you from deception." He gently lifted her chin. "This is my wisdom for you, Misha. Work on your products, your business... and teach others to seek me, love me, honor me. Time will pass and you will be right, or not. And since you were quiet, you will not be able to tell them, ‘I told you so.’

You will be glad that you cannot."

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When my contract and subcontract ended in November, one of their senior executives resigned and offered to help me, as a business consultant, to spread the message of People First empowerment.

We got right to work. First we created marketing materials that offered the People First Empowerment Platform as a tiered subscription service1 with coordinating, yet ultimately optional, agile services2.

Who was our target market?

Start-ups? Yes. My vision for start-ups was to help them create an egalitarian culture right out the gate.

Small organizations? Yes. I wanted to catch these guys at the precise moment when growth was imperative.

Mid-size organizations? Maybe, if there were one or more visionary leaders in the organization that believed in their people like I did.

Large organizations? Probably not. When a company gets large, it gets rigid and unwilling to change.3

With our marketing strategy strapped to our belts, we hit the road.

At a meeting with a director of a medical equipment start-up, we showed how the platform could be used to lead teams in inspection and adaptation based on emotional resonance (ER) feedback. The director was skeptical. “I don’t think my team would go for it,” he said, though he was happy to give us a referral.

At a meeting with a director of a suite of medical start-ups, we showed how the platform could be used to form teams and create a continuity of agile practices across them. That director said, “If you had a ‘sort by skill’ feature, I would try it.”

At a meeting with a project manager, we showed how the platform could be used to help team members work together to accelerate performance. The project manager was impressed. “I can’t use it now, but I’ll help you in any way I can.”

At a meeting with still another director, we got a bite—sort of. A mid-size software development consultancy agreed to a barter arrangement. In exchange for an agility assessment, they would analyze the People First Empowerment Platform, looking for user experience and architectural improvements.

Our hard work paid off. By the end of January, I had a pilot at the large logistics company and was assessing the consultancy for agility. Then in February, a manager I worked for in 2011 contacted me for agile coaching services. He had become the engineering director for an online marketplace and needed help. They were a small organization developing software for an parent company that was growing, and his team needed to increase their agility to support their growth. First, he chose the agile assessment. After we presented the results, he selected all the recommended services and purchased a 50 user subscription with a configured process.4

And it worked. In less than a year, their overall team agility increased by 27%!

As a program, they began to consistently deliver a major version of software every three months with minor releases every three weeks. They still had a lot of work to do to increase their technical capabilities, but they were empowered to make those hard decisions.

In the meantime, things were not going well with the logistics company pilot.5 As part of the pilot, I had trained the managers to use the platform like I did, but the team members did not trust their managers with their emotional resonance (ER), and because I did, the teams lost their trust in me. When that pilot ended, so did our hope for a subscription renewal.

The logistic company teams were not the only ones with trust issues. The online marketplace team members did not trust their teammates. They complained that the platform was easily fooled, i.e., a team member could make themselves appear accountable when they were not. They were right. Calling out someone for leadership when they would not, or could not, lead, was not fair, but I did not design the strengths assessment to weed out liars. It was a self-assessment tool that gave people the benefit of the doubt.

As the months progressed, the feedback kept coming, good and bad. When I finished the consultancy assessment, they did not like the results. They were right, too. In order to put their people first, they would have to change their entire business model.6 However, they kept up their part of the bargain and gave me an architectural analysis of the People First Empowerment Platform. They said I needed new screen layouts, new colors, new navigation, and a brand new architecture to support it all.7

That meant I had to rewrite the entire application. Again.

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Mishalariah intercepted Spirit at the door. "Lord, 2015 was a good year!"

Spirit sat down in the blue velvet chair. "Tell me."

She squeezed past his legs and sat down on her couch across from him. "She got a job as an agile coach and is using the techniques she developed. They seem to be working." She pushed the Ayin to one side. "She's happy about that."

"What about you? Do you enjoy agile coaching?"

Mishalariah shrugged. "I guess so. The profession models servant leadership by putting others' needs before your own."

Spirit nodded. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another."

Mishalariah smiled.

"What else was nice?"

"A new business consultant is helping to promote her product."

Spirit swiveled back and forth. "That is good news."

Mishalariah leaned forward. "The partners abandoned her, so he must be the Boaz you prepared for her."

"What did Boaz do for Ruth?

She answered without thinking. "He married her, and they had a baby, Obed."

Spirit laughed. "Before that. When Ruth first encountered him."

Mishalariah’s cheeks glowed hot in the pause before her answer. "He made sure she got extra grain when she was gleaning his field."

Spirit smiled. "So where was his heart? What was his motivation?"

Mishalariah furrowed her brow. "I don't know." She shrugged. "He thought she was pretty?"

Spirit laughed again, then shook his head and answered, "Yes, Ruth was lovely, but that was not his primary motivation. He knew of Naomi and the tragedies that had befallen them both. He wanted to restore their dignity and give them hope. That is why he gave her extra."

Mishalariah glanced down at the Ayin. "That's his motivation?"

Spirit nodded. "He knows the partners should have given you a chance. He also knows that if People First catches on, it would be a great benefit to him as well." He leaned forward. “Boaz would not be remembered if not for Ruth."

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People First was going to radically change the way people developed software!

Sure, I knew it was going to hurt, but wasn't it worth it?

I dove in and smacked my face straight into six months of no work. Not another famine! How would I endure it?

With thankfulness.

On January 1, 2015, I wrote:

"Thank you, Lord.

Thank you for this smile on my face. Thank you for the joy in my heart.

Thank you for the joy that comes with my salvation. On this day we (You and me) will not allow anything to steal my joy.

Thank You, Lord for Your peace. On this day we (You and me) will not allow this peace to be disrupted.

I trust You, Lord on this day, the first day of the year to keep my heart at peace and to fill my countenance with joy.

Why? Because my circumstances have changed? No. Because You are my Lord and my Savior, and You love me. And as You have done for me in the past—You work all things for my good :-)"

I wrote similar thank you notes in my journal throughout January. If there was anything possible a person could be thankful for, I was.

I was thankful for my husband, my mom, my sisters, my daughter, and my son.

I was thankful for my home, filled with God's presence. And I was grateful that I had help to keep it clean.

I was thankful for People First and my consulting partners, though they were dragging their feet concerning the pilot opportunity they promised.

I was thankful for my church. I was grateful for my service in the Sunday School.

I was thankful for my Bible school.

I was thankful for God's indwelling spirit. His mercy, love, word, and grace. I was grateful for prayer.

I was even thankful for the color purple!

Finally, on March 2, 2015, the Project Management Office (PMO) for a logistics company reached out to me concerning an agile coach contract. Unfortunately, the companies they did business with needed to be on their procurement list. Salt Consulting was not on that list, but my consulting partners were, so I asked to subcontract. They agreed, seeing it as an opportunity to get their testers on my team. However, the contract was mine, which meant I got to use People First. Not the web application, though.

Since I was subcontracting, use of the web application would have added complexity to our standard contract. Instead, I used paper forms, entered the data myself, and discovered I had a perfect motivated team!

As soon as we completed the agile team training, we sketched out the project and started Sprinting. They put their strengths to work in the agile activities, and we focused process improvement on good feelings (resonance: Blue and Green) and bad feelings (dissonance: Red and Orange).

After only three sprints, the dissonance subsided in all but one activity with the corresponding rise in resonance being something to brag about. These were not random feel-good measures. They directly reflected the positive outcomes at the end of each sprint—there is a big difference between promising five stories in sprint one and getting one done, and six stories in sprint three and finishing five.

I continued as their agile coach until November 2015 (with much prayer), and each week, I gave the PMO leader a resonance/dissonance report showing how feelings correlated to project outcomes. This convinced him (and me) that emotional resonance (ER) was useful for monitoring agile teams.

Unfortunately, after continually pressuring me to find positions for their staff, tensions came to a head with my consulting partners.1 Even though the People First Empowerment Platform was proving to be a reliable tool, they told me it was not a good fit for them or their clients.

On June 26, 2015, I wrote:

Father God. Daddy … My heart is broken again. [Consulting Partners] is going ahead with a software development management (SDM) portal (web-based) and services without me. This is not how this story was supposed to end!!!

I am so angry with them that I am thinking vengeful thoughts that I know I have no business doing. “Vengeance is mine says the Lord” But even so, when my anger subsides... what am I supposed to do now Lord? What am I supposed to do now?

Be still and know that I am God.

When my contract and subcontract ended in November, one of their senior executives resigned and offered to help me, as a business consultant, to spread the message of People First empowerment.

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Spirit hesitated in the doorway.

Mishalariah looked up at him, her eyes pleading. "I have to know. What are the five boxes? Are they five businesses? Five career changes?" She pouted. "When will you tell me?"

Spirit entered the chamber and sat down in the blue velvet chair. "I'll tell you now," he said, leaning forward. "Your dream is similar to Pharaoh's dream, the one I gave to Joseph. Do you remember that interpretation?"

Mishalariah nodded. "Seven skinny cows ate seven fat cows. And seven scrawny grains devoured seven healthy grains." Her eyes lit up. "Years. The seven cows and seven grains represented seven years. The interpretation was that there would be seven years of plenty followed by seven years of famine."

Spirit leaned back and smiled. "The five boxes are five years, Mishalariah"

"Five years starting when?" she asked. "Now?"

"Not until the beginning of the year 5775."

Mishalariah furrowed her brow. "But it's 2014—"

"On the Hebrew calendar, the year 5775 begins this fall." Spirit leaned forward and grasped Mishalariah's hands. "Count the years with me, Mishalariah. Let us assess them together, each new year—at the end of Sukkot, the Feast of Tabernacles."

Mishalariah nodded.

Spirit squeezed her hands. "Do you know what we will be assessing?"

"The yearly outcomes?"

Spirit nodded. "The first four years will have 'nice' outcomes. Nothing overwhelming, but fruitful none the less."

"And the fifth year?"

"The fifth year will be a struggle, but you will prevail because I will be with you."

Mishalariah tensed. "And the outcome of the fifth year?"

"The outcome of the fifth year will change your life completely." Spirit gazed intently into her eyes. "You may not want to, but you will leave your software engineering career and follow the Father's call into a new ministry that he has planned for you."

Mishalariah’s shoulders sagged. “Why does this have to happen?"

Spirit leaned back and smiled. "Because you dove in."

"I see,” Mishalariah said. “Diving in means getting back into the business game." She rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Every time we try to do business, we get hurt. The multi-level marketing failure. The business competition failure. The NeighborNetwork failure. The MedEzer failure—"

"So, why did you dive in?"

Her chin lifted in semi-darkness. "You told us to."

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I empowered him to make design decisions, of course. With little to no guidance, he did a great job, and when the contract was over in December 2013, he told me the Tennessee engagement was the best engagement he ever had.

That was all I needed to know.

In agile software development, teams are supposed to self-organize to get work done. But self-organization was so foreign to corporate cultures that most teams floundered. It wasn't that they couldn't learn agile practices. They could; agile practices are simple. It was using them within their rigid environments that was hard. It was like pouring new wine into an old wineskin.

Agile coach consultants helped a little. They insulated teams long enough for them to learn the practices, but often, everything they learned fell to the wayside as soon as the consultant left.

Teams needed a cost-effective, long-term solution.

That was the motivation behind the People First Empowerment Platform. The platform included the People First assessment plus a feature that encouraged continued use of agile software development by putting team strengths to work. It was like having an agile coach advocating for them long after the consultant was gone.

I started developing the platform in January 2014. By March 11th, most of the high-value stories were done. They addressed the what: the roles and work products. The how: tasks where team members' strengths came into play. And the when: the process. There were quite a few stories to develop. I kept my head down coding through January, February, and March. Then in April 2014, I was sub-contracted as a requirements instructor with [Company] again to deliver twenty 4-day Boot Camps to business analysts to prepare them to work on upcoming strategic projects. Not optimal, but it was paying the bills.

On July 2, 2014, I wrote:

Good morning, Lord!"

I have been sitting with you this morning for an hour or so, reading your word and listening for your voice.

“My sheep hear my voice”

Monday, You told me to go to [My Consulting Partners] and 'lay down at the feet of Boaz on the threshing floor' I did. I left the house at the exact time, 11:55 am. And went in person to schedule a meeting with [Name]. Later in the day, I found out that he doesn't want to meet with me.

Not exactly how the story is supposed to go.

Can I actually hear from You? Or am I just making all this up as I go along?

— I just checked my email... I have a meeting set for August 1^st.

Thank You, Lord."

On August 1, 2014, I put on one of my best suits. It was a gray sharkskin wonder that made me look like a million bucks, but even so, my stomach was in knots. I took a deep breath as he invited me into his office.

He gestured to the seat in front of his desk. “Have a seat.”

I sat on the edge of my seat and leaned forward. After exchanging the required small talk, I told him I wanted their help to produce and distribute the People First Empowerment Platform and services to their clients. I proposed that his company and my company, Salt Productions, form a legal partnership.

I explained how I would lead the development of the product while training a select number of his employees in agile methodologies and People First. I had already instructed several of his employees in agile, so he knew I could do it.

Then, I explained how we could train and coach customers using short-term engagements, leaving them to use the platform on a yearly paid subscription.

The meeting ended. My time was up. What did he think?

Let’s say he was intrigued. He said he couldn’t make any promises; he wanted me to demonstrate the product to some other executives in the company first.

On August 22, 2014, I pitched the proposal during my lunch break. When I got back to my desk, I was on fire! I had delivered a near-perfect presentation. There was no way they would turn me down. I was finally going to get the overflow I had dreamed of for so long. It would be more than enough—enough to share with 100,000.

On Sept 28, 2014, I wrote:

"Thank you, Lord. I feel such a sense of relief. My contract with [Company] is finally over. Lord, forgive me for complaining. I know I complained almost every day since that contract began. I am grateful for the provision. Is there a 'but' here? Yes. I have to be open and honest with You as You already know. 1) The culture at [Company] is so oppressive. 2) the material I was teaching in most parts is so outdated and not useful. 3) I was helping to oppress these poor people even more so. 4) When I use my gifts, I want to free people and give them reasons to be joyous in their work endeavors. 5) 20+ weeks is much too long to deliver sub-par material to oppressed people in an oppressed environment.

But You put me there, Lord. Why?"

"YOU WILL DEVELOP OPTIMAL MATERIAL THAT YOU WILL DELIVER TO OPPRESSED PEOPLE IN OPPRESSED ENVIRONMENTS."

"Optimal material is People First!"

"What would you do if you knew that you would not fail in trying?"

"I would produce and market People First!"

"Remember, the success of your product is not in how much money it makes—it is in how many lives (and companies) are transformed. Start a People First revolution, joining others in their pursuit of happier (contented) workplaces."

The People First Empowerment Platform was going to radically change the way people developed software!

Sure, I knew it was going to hurt, but wasn't it worth it?

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Mishalariah sat cross-legged on her couch while Spirit sat in silent stillness, reclined in the blue velvet chair. None of it was out of the ordinary. The doorway leading out was still pitch black, and the chamber walls, like always, flashed like lightning.

Mishalariah tilted her head to one side. “Lord, tell me the meaning of the dream with the five boxes?”

Spirit leaned forward, his broad smile lit up his face. “Tell me the dream.”

Her shoulders relaxed and her eyes closed. "At the top of a tall mountain was a large, deep, and still lake. Dark were its waters. And standing at the crest where the mountain met the sea was the Great Philanthropist."

"That was me," Spirit said. "I am great philanthropist. What happened next?"

With eyes still shut, she continued. "He told everyone who had trekked to the mountain top that there were treasures unmeasured at the bottom of the lake. He said they were available to anyone who would like to go after them. But—"

"But what?"

"They had to dive in headfirst. They could not jump in or slip in from the side."

Spirit leaned back into the soft velvet chair. "That would be a problem for you, wouldn't it?"

Mishalariah’s shoulders rose and fell. "Yes, it would. When she was a little girl, she tried to dive into a public pool. It hurt her face so badly she never tried again. Ever."

He swiveled back and forth. "What happened next?"

"The grass was green and lush along the banks of the lake, so she sat down to watch others dive in. She was sure they would come back out and show others the treasures they had found. But they didn't. Everyone who dove in stayed in the lake and never came out."

Spirit leaned forward. "That sounds suspicious."

Mishalariah nodded. "So, she said to herself, 'OK, OK—I'll do it!' And then she dove in headfirst."

"Did it hurt your face?"

Mishalariah massaged her sinuses as if it had just occurred. "Yes, it hurt!"

"Was it worth it?"

Mishalariah’s eyes popped open. "She swam all the way down to the bottom of the lake and saw boxes the size of VCR tapes."

"Oh. Those boxes."

She squeezed her eyes shut again. "There weren't many left, but she found 1, 2, 3, and then 4 lying at the bottom of the lake. She looked around for more but didn't see any. Then she noticed people floating around who had gathered much more than they could hold."

Spirit nodded as he settled back into the chair. "That's why they never came out." His eyes were mournful. "They were trapped in the waters by their greed."

“You’re right,” Mishalariah said without opening her eyes. "There was this white guy was struggling to hold onto a huge armful. She swam over to him and grabbled one that was sticking out. He snatched it back and they struggled over it, pulling it back and forth until he realized he was in danger of dropping all the others. So, he finally let it go and she swam away with it."

"What happened next?"

"She heard the Great Philanthropist calling her out of the water, but she did not leave. She kept looking around, thinking she could get some more."

"She heard me calling her?"

"Yes, but she didn't want to get out. She wanted to stay and get more. But then you called her again, and that time she listened. She swam up and out of the lake, back to the grassy area with the five boxes in her arms."

Spirit leaned forward. "What was in the boxes?"

"I couldn't see what was in them. I could only feel what they meant. She opened the first 4, and after each one she said, 'How nice.'"

"How nice?"

Mishalariah shrugged. "I don't know. It was a pleasant feeling. Nothing overwhelming—just nice."

"What about the 5th box?"

Mishalariah's eyes opened wide and she gasped. "The fifth box was overwhelming."

"Was that the box she struggled for?"

Mishalariah nodded. "When she opened that box, the emotions that poured out were more wonderful than anything I have ever experienced. That box changed everything. Nothing was the same."

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By then, it was late April, and time had run out. My SBA loan was mature. A payment was due on May 1, 2012, and I didn’t have the money.

I didn’t write this prayer in my journal, but standing in the middle of my bedroom, arms lifted, I said these words out loud.

Father,

I don’t care if I ever work again.

I don’t care if I lose my house.

I will never stop loving you.

I will never stop upholding my husband.

I will never stop loving my children.

I will never stop honoring my mother.

I choose you above all else.

I knew God could deliver me from the coming catastrophe. But if not, my faith did not rely on what He did, or did not do, for me. He was my God, and I could serve him no matter what.

Times like those are often called a dark night of the soul. It is when the Lord takes his pruning shears and cuts into your soul so deeply that the bleeding feels like dying.

I felt like I was dying because, in my heart, I heard my colleagues laughing at me. “Who does she think she is now?” In my mind, they were right. Who was I if I could not think for a living?

Thankfully, the storm ended before I succumbed to its misery. On May 1, 2012, my consulting partners contacted me to subcontract as a requirements coach, helping business analysts gather and write use cases. I had long lost faith in this method, but it was a paying gig that preserved my independence. It was also remote. I could give lectures and advice to analysts online, which gave me a lot of time to focus on what survived the pruning.

The NeighborNetwork didn’t make it out. There was no way I could produce Neighborhood Clouds without substantial security and system testing, both of which cost a lot of money. Money I obviously was not getting.

MedEzer didn’t make it out, either. We had a very successful meeting with an intermediary on December 1, 2011, and they scheduled us to return and present our idea to executives. On March 1, 2012, we met with a director and CIO, but everything went wrong during the presentation. The prototype didn’t work, and we couldn’t answer questions about our competition. We were out for the count.

And, strangely enough, my life insurance policy didn’t make it out. I had a substantial policy that I had kept up for over fifteen years. I missed one quarterly payment, and just like that—it was gone.

So, what did I get to keep?

In June 2011, I developed People First-Process Second, and gave my first public TechFest presentation on that topic. It was a strengths-based software process system intended to differentiate my software development company, Salt Productions, from the competition. However, Salt Productions no longer had software to develop.

Or did it?

With God’s guidance and grace, I pursued the relationship with my consulting partners, working with them to build an agile practice offering for their firm. By November 2012, I had developed and delivered four agile workshops for their employees at no charge. I also joined Pitt Agile, a local meetup, and presented at the TechFest conference again.

I asked, “Now, Lord. Now that this has been completed... what do I do next?”

He answered. “WAIT. ENJOY YOUR LIFE, LOVE YOUR FAMILY, SERVE YOUR CHURCH. WAIT FOR THE NEW YEAR.”

In January 2013, I helped my consulting partners win a contract to develop a software process for an organization in Tennessee, so they asked me to lead the effort. It was finally my chance to put People First-Process Second to the test, and if you ever had a job, it’s easy to imagine what that could look like. It’s primarily about roles at work, i.e., deciding up front who gets to make which decisions.

People First-Process Second is based on the premise that caring, not a job title, is the motivating factor in optimal decision-making, and there are nine optimal decision-making perspectives in software development.

1. Business Value develops products that create revenue to support business goals.

2. System Value describes systems that deliver requested business value.

3. Process Performance executes project schedules on time and on budget.

4. Application Architecture designs maintainable, reusable, and understandable systems—you get the picture.

5. System Quality makes sure systems are secure, trustworthy, and perform as expected.

6. Development Process makes sure team members have what they need to do their jobs well.

7. Implementation develops source code that is free from defects, easy to understand and change, and as efficient as possible.

8. Technical Architecture selects/maintains capable computer technologies.

9. User Experience makes sure users are as productive as possible using systems in their environments.

The People First web application displayed the results of a brief questionnaire.

The team member above cares about System Value, Process Performance, and Business Value. In addition, they are Strong(ER) in Business Value, meaning that as their Agile Coach, I could not only count on them to make reliable business decisions, I could also depend on them to lead others in vital decision-making.

Back to putting my idea to the test in Tennessee.

I was part of a four-member team composed of traditional roles: a project manager, a customer relationship manager, a software process designer (me), and a requirements analyst. The requirements analyst answered the People First-Process Second questionnaire. The results revealed that he cared about more than just System Value. He also cared about Application Architecture, which meant he hoped to be responsible for design decisions—the decisions I was planning to make. The decisions I was looking forward to making.

What was I going to do?

I empowered him to make design decisions, of course. With little to no guidance, he did a great job, and when the contract was over in December 2013, he told me the Tennessee engagement was the best engagement he ever had.

That was all I needed to know.

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“Bible school, Lord! We are going to Bible school!”

“See,” Spirit said as he swiveled in the blue velvet chair. “A just reward for great patience.”

Mishalariah scooped up the Ayin and stared deep into its glistening surface.

“We can even get a minister’s license after taking a certain number of credits.”

Spirit leaned forward. “A minister’s license. That’s wonderful, Mishalariah.”

Her eyes flickered with excitement. “We’re going to study John, Acts, James, Paul’s letters, and Revelation!”

“Don’t forget the Torah, the prophets, and the writings. You’ll enjoy those too.”

“Yes, of course, especially Daniel.”

Spirit’s swiveling stopped abruptly. “Why Daniel?”

“We can learn a lot about our political environment by studying Daniel.”

Spirit nodded. “You are right about that.”

She glanced up and met Spirit’s eyes. “What do you think of U.S. politics? Do you ever take sides?”

“Why do you ask?”

“Well,” she said, with shoulders slumped. “The members of our church are taking sides.”

“What side are they taking?”

“The side I do not understand.”

“Tell me.”

Her brow furrowed. “The historical Black church was glad that Barack Obama was running for president—” Her lips tightened, then relaxed. “I understand why. After centuries of crying out for justice, they believed you were blessing them, African Americans, with him—a Black president.”

“What do you think?”

Mishalariah shrugged her shoulders. “He seems like a good man, a husband of one wife, sober, not given to fits of anger. Highly educated. Thoughtful.” She watched as Spirit swung his chair slowly back and forth, her eyes glued to his face, searching for clues but getting none. With a resolute sigh, she looked away toward the gaping darkness of the doorway. “I was not disappointed when he was reelected.” She paused. “But many at our church were distraught. Angry even.”

“Why do you think that is, Mishalariah?”

“Our pastor says Democrats are evil. He says they say are Antichrist.”

“What do Black church members say about Republicans?”

Mishalariah closed her eyes. “Nothing. Republicans were not demonized by our Black pastors. They only said people are separated from God because they reject Christ.” Her opened eyes blazed with indignation. “Not by how they vote!”

Spirit nodded in silence.

Mishalariah held up the Ayin and took a fresh look at the quarreling multitudes. She shook her head as she watched them struggle piteously against each other as if stuck in a net. “Do you care who we vote for?”

“Did I care who won the football games?”

A wide smile transformed her face. “We used to pray so hard for our team to win.”

“Did they win every game?”

“No. They most certainly did not.”

“Did I love them less? Is that why they lost?”

“No.”

“Was I punishing them for some known or unknown sin? Is that why they lost?”

“No. Of course not.”

Spirit leaned forward. “The kingdoms of this world are much like a football game; one side always hoping to gain more yards—more power over the other in order to move forward with their agendas.” He shook his head, never taking his eyes off of hers. “These things have nothing to do with the kingdom of God. In the kingdom there is only one King, and he already won the game.” He stretched out and clasped her hands in his. “Those whom the Father has given to the Son cannot be taken from him.”

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Oh no! THE BANK LOAN!!!

By August 2011, the NeighborNetwork and Neighborhood Clouds had replaced T-Communications and Lifetime as our new business strategy.

The new product suite was based on a concept I termed Collaborative Automation.

With it, users could control automation devices in multiple homes and/or small businesses, as well as take part in a network of automated homes. Imagine neighbors coordinating their automation devices to help keep their neighborhoods safe.

My business partner and I hit the road with our updated marketing materials and brand-new web application.

She set up a meeting with a construction executive over dinner. He was kind. He listened intently but was not interested.

She set up several meetings with a real estate investor at their offices. He was interested at first but then backed out because he thought the cost of investment was too high.

We then submitted the idea to three local angel investors. None of them had any interest in helping us move forward.

A close friend of my business partner wanted to help, but he also had a business idea of his own. It was a card-based electronic medical record (EMR) system that let patients take ownership of their medical data. Carrying it in their purse or wallet, they could easily share it with their healthcare providers.

We called the new company MedEzer, and with the NeighborNetwork, they kept us very busy. I coded and developed marketing materials, while they developed business relationships. The funding was enough to keep us afloat until the end of October, but by mid-September, worry settled in.

On Sept 13, 2011, I wrote:

Lord, you are awesome. You are wonderful. Too wonderful, too good. I love You, Lord. I always will.

Lord, it is not wise for me to walk into November with no income—it is not wise, nor is it fair to my creditors to whom I am indebted. I have to find work; I have to have an income. I am able; I am willing. I don’t mind working, laboring for others with the talents You have blessed me with. But... I will not stop laboring for the dream either... How can I quench this burning desire in my heart & my soul? How cruel it is to have a seed with no place to plant it... I guess this is how You must feel about Your love. How cruel it is. Place Your seed of Love in my heart Lord.

And on Sept 14, 2011, I wrote:

Lord, You are Holy and Righteous and wonderful and Awesome and Great and Mighty and Everything we need. You are everything we need.

Yesterday I applied for 3 jobs, 1) as a project manager for [Company A] 2) as a software manager for [Company B] 3) as a business analyst for some start-up. The only one I would actually want is the [Company B] job. But what I really want is Salt Productions, NeighborNetwork & MedEzer... Lord, will these come to pass?

Then on Friday, Sept 15, 2011, I wrote:

Oh Lord How Excellent is Thy Name!

Lord, I don’t want a job! I have products to develop, Lord. Please help me! I need $25,000 to hold out until January. This month’s release is a disaster. Just about every task is taking twice as long as estimated to complete. This task I am working on now has a defect I cannot fix—what is wrong, Lord? Is there sin in my life? Unbelief? Lord, I believe! Please help my unbelief!

By the time January arrived, a financial storm was raging, and I was desperate.

On January 17, 2012, I wrote:

Lord, I love my life—my work, my relationships, my church. I am so grateful that You saved me from the pit and restored me to You as your beloved daughter.

But what is it You know about this situation that I cannot see? I continue to pull on your coat saying, ‘Daddy, see how they are coming for me, see they are at the door. Soon they will begin to pound on the door to break it in and drag me away to debtors’ prison... Daddy, I sought Your advice for every decision. Save me!’ And all the while You smile and say, ‘I know.’

What do You know that I don’t know? How is this going to end? What else can I do but trust You?

I continued looking for work—putting in applications, searching the web, writing resumes, communicating with recruiters—but it was just as the Lord said on July 4, 2011. None of them returned my calls. None of them offered me employment. They didn’t even give me a chance to interview.

I was of two minds.

I felt awful for continuing to try. Didn’t I trust God? Didn’t he say everything would be OK? I felt awful for not trying. My family did not know he was hiding me; I couldn’t tell them that. The only person I felt safe sharing my ‘God conversations’ with was my husband, but even he was shaken. We were behind on every bill, even our mortgage. How could we lose the house that God had given to us?

The pages of my journal filled up with pleading and endless, fruitless analysis as I kept trying to figure out what was going on while rejection after rejection showed up in my inbox. I was drowning in iniquity. I considered ending it all, taking my life, for I was worthless and life was meaningless.

Finally, on February 28, 2012, the Lord reached out to me with the hope I desperately needed.

YOU WILL NOT LOSE YOUR HOUSE.

And when he brings out his own sheep, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him for they know his voice.

DO NOT FEAR... REST IN MY LOVE. IN YOUR WEAKNESS, I AM STRONG.

Two weeks later, I interviewed with a prestigious international consulting firm. They needed someone to mentor, teach, and lead RUP projects. The pay was generous, and the hours flexible, so I accepted the offer of employment, even though my soul mourned.

On March 29, 2012, I wrote:

Lord, please forgive me for my ungratefulness. I am grateful that I had the opportunity to be my own boss, to own my own company, to give it a go. I do not have to die wondering, “What if?” I enjoyed the freedom so much that it absolutely breaks my heart to become indentured once again. But that’s what happens when you take risks, and yes, it is better to have lived and tasted freedom than to never have tasted freedom at all.

Lord, I just ask that you heal my broken heart and remove any root of bitterness from it so that I may continue to live in Your love and for Your glory.

AMEN.

I couldn’t go through with it, though. How could a gift from God feel so wrong? It can’t. If it doesn’t create awe, wonder, and anticipation, it cannot be a gift.

It had to be a test, so I turned the offer down.

A few days later, a car company from Michigan reached out about an Agile Coach position, but even after a stellar interview, they gave the job to someone else.

By then, it was late April, and time had run out. My SBA loan was mature. A payment was due on May 1, 2012, and I didn’t have the money.

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Mishalariah sat perched on the edge of her couch while Spirit swiveled back and forth in the blue velvet chair. Her eyes were wide and round as she gazed down into the Ayin.

"Lord? What are you doing?"

Spirit leaned forward. "What do you mean?"

"These words you had me write. What does this mean?"

June 24, 2011

"Misha,

Your alabaster jar is your talent to coach/teach. 'what a waste that you pour out this talent on the sons and daughters of God when it could be sold in the marketplace and given to the poor' This is how the world thinks. I OWN ALL THINGS THEY NEED NOT BE BARTERED FOR MONEY TO BE USED TO UPLIFT THE KINGDOM OF GOD. BUT SO MUCH MORE VALUABLE ARE MY THINGS THAN THE MONEY THEY ARE TRADED FOR. AND THERE IS GREATER REWARD.

Your greatest and most significant act of worship is when you encourage/teach the sons and daughters of the most high God!

This is what you will be remembered for."

Spirit leaned back and smiled. "It's true."

"And this?"

July 4, 2011

"YOU MAY AS WELL STOP LOOKING FOR A JOB... FOR YOU WILL NOT FIND ONE... THE EYES OF THE WORLD THAT LOOK UPON YOU ARE CONFOUNDED... DO NOT BE SURPRISED THAT THEY DON'T RETURN YOUR CALLS... I HAVE CLOSED THEIR EYES AGAINST YOU... I AM A JEALOUS GOD AND WHAT IS MINE SHALL BE USED FOR MY GLORY ALONE. DO NOT BE AFRAID BECAUSE I AM WITH YOU.

Spirit shrugged his shoulders. "I don't want you to be afraid."

"Is that why you had me write this?"

July 11, 2011

"The words I speak to you will encourage you—whether you believe them or not. And so, I will continue to speak to you because I am in you, and you are in me. I AM here with you."

The chamber reflected a strange blue cast and for a moment Spirit sat perfectly still. Then he tilted his head to one side.

"Tell me about the dream."

Mishalariah looked up from the Ayin with a raised brow. "The one we had at the beach?"

"Yes. That one. What do you remember about it?"

She closed her eyes. "You were teaching in an alcove in the Cathedral of Learning at the University of Pittsburgh. I was standing there captivated by your teaching." She frowned. "I couldn't understand why no one else was stopping to listen. Everyone just went about their business—talking, laughing, joking—as if you weren't even there."

"Then what happened?"

Her eyes opened, wide. "Well, I wanted to hear what you had to say. So, I leaned in, and you looked at me!"

Spirit leaned forward. "You saw my eyes?"

"Yes! They were mesmerizing... yet very stern." Again, she squeezed her eyes shut. "Then somehow you got behind me. When I turned around, you set your eyes on me and breathed words into me. Words so powerful that I passed out with the knowledge of them."

"What happened after that?"

Her eyes flew open, wide with surprise. "I woke up in a hospital!"

Spirit laughed. "That was some WORD. Do you remember what I said?"

"You said I could have whatever I ask." Her lips pursed under squinted eyes and furrowed brows. "Or was it anything I want?"

"What do you want, Mishalariah?"

She paused, then sighed as she stared into the depths of the Ayin. "I want your will on earth as in heaven.” She looked up. Her eyes met his. “And if not the entire earth right now, may your kingdom reign in my tiny sphere of influence, Lord."

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I was at death’s door.

In January 2010, I was in and out of the hospital twice. The first time was for a blood transfusion, the second for a hysterectomy, a major operation that put me in bed for six weeks.

I didn't get much coding done, but I did seek God. On February 17, 2010, I wrote:

"Father God! I have been seeking You all day... through prayer, reading scripture, reading writings from Your great teachers, listening to Your teachers on TV... I have been seeking You because I need to hear from You. I need to feel Your presence. I know that You see me, Lord. I know that You have taken care of my needs... but Lord... is there anything that I need to be doing?"

"What are you doing, Misha?"

"I am resting & healing from major surgery. It has been 3 weeks since my hysterectomy. My doctor has recommended—no, ordered rest for 6 weeks. I am conforming to her request. This is what I should be doing.

(I am) working on T-Communications/Lifetime website/application according to the 6/2010 project plan. Lord, I can't give up on this. This is the backbone of the dream/vision for a better tomorrow. And it's my major contribution to influence using my tenacity and excellence of production. I can't not do this...

(I am) developing plans for SALT & T-Communications. I am doing this because my business counselors recommended that I do this in order to be better able to seek funding (loans, venture capital). I am doing this because I need to know what to do when funding becomes available. I want to make sure the plans are profitable so there will be no loss. I am doing this because You told me to be prepared...

Lord, I do spend a little time each day resting, developing, and planning. Is this all I need to do... or is there more... or should I be planning more quickly... or should I be looking for work... What about the contract with [Company]? I already told them I wasn't qualified. Am I? Would I be a blessing to their organization? Or would I be wasting their time and money?

Should I be planning more quickly?"

"Do you have a plan for the plans? If not, how will you ever get done? Set goals for your planning. Make an appointment with a bank & with a venture capitalist. [Name] will help you if you share your planning with her. Meet with her again. Attack the paperwork and get it over with."

"Should I be looking for work?"

"Misha, you have outsourced this activity. Let them do their job. They need the income from you just as much as you need the income for yourself (and your church). Make sure you make the most of this opportunity. You will be back to work before you know it and your time will be much limited."

It wasn’t long before my consulting partners got me a short-term contract with a healthcare organization. The developers on the project were working on a web-based portal and wanted to use Scrum, an agile software development process that had recently gained popularity due to its simplicity.

Unlike the Rational Unified Process (RUP) with its many phase-based and role-based procedures, Scrum has only four activities, 1) the daily Scrum, 2) a Sprint planning session, 3) a Sprint review, and 4) a Sprint retrospective. It also has only three roles, 1) the development team, 2) the product owner, and 3) the scrum master.

However, the project leaders did not want the developers to use Scrum. They wanted them to adhere to their traditional approach, but the developers dug in their heels and refused to conform. That’s where I came in. They wanted me to engineer a compromise that they, the project leaders, and the developers, could agree on.

I didn’t think I was qualified. I had never used Scrum before. However, it was easy to learn, and after a while, I had to concur—it was much more efficient than RUP. Teams always struggled with RUP, especially the use cases. Use cases are a software engineering artifact, and so they are inherently abstract, like analysis and design. But shouldn’t analysis and design be done during development? It was user stories that helped put that effort where it belongs.

User stories are written like this: As a <user type>, I want to <do something> so that I can receive <some business value>, and can be developed and tested in a single iteration—usually two weeks.

For example: As a homeowner, I want to be able to turn my house lights on and off when I am on vacation so thieves will be deterred from breaking in.

Unfortunately, it takes a lot longer than two weeks to develop and test a story like that. It has to be broken into smaller pieces that can be developed over several iterations. That was why managing remote automation devices was giving me so much trouble. The effort was just too big.

I started using Scrum to break the problem into small pieces. The files I saved tell the story.

Purchased code snippets from July and August 2010, reveal how I hired a contractor to teach me how to develop and install a Windows background service.

A PowerPoint presentation from on 9/17/2010 demonstrates how to register the Windows client application, and another PowerPoint from 8/4/2010 brought my new business partner up to speed.

I was able to hire both her and the contractor because the Small Business Association (SBA) gave me a loan for $50,000. That sounds like a lot of money, but when building complex software, it is not enough. I could see how easy it would be to hack the automation network using fake credentials to access homes without user consent. Evil scenarios of villains terrorizing homeowners tormented me. I needed a lot more than $50,000 to make sure the application was safe. I needed somewhere between $300,000 to $500,000 to get it securely off the ground.

My strategy was to use the $50,000 to develop a prototype to show investors in order to get more funding. My consulting work was a reliable source of income and lucrative enough to pay the loan off if the plan fell through.

At least, that's what I told the bank.

My next consulting contract was with a pharmaceutical company to lead requirements management for their ongoing RUP projects. I worked with them from August 2010 to May 2011.

That job was so stressful, I started grinding my teeth. I still grind my teeth.

Why was it so stressful? The same reason why most projects are stressful. The customer was biting off more than they could chew. There were more features than they had time and resources to develop. But instead of reducing the scope, they found some project managers crouching in the deepest corners of Hades to brow-beat us. Every day, for the first few weeks, the project manager hovered over me.

"Are you done yet?"

Holy hell. No! I just started this job!

Well, I didn't say that. What I actually said was, "No, not yet." But I quickly got my team back on schedule, and I didn't brow-beat anyone to get it done. I simply set an irresistible vision, then loved on them, giving them room and resources to be the best they could be.

On May 14th, 2011, when that contract was finally over, I breathed a huge sigh of relief not knowing that I would soon be facing an extremely inconvenient and long-term unemployment.

Oh no! THE BANK LOAN!!!

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Mishalariah glanced up from the Ayin, her brow knit with curiosity. "You are calling us into ministry?"

Spirit lifted his chin as he swiveled back and forth in the blue velvet chair. "Are you looking at what happened at church last November?"

She nodded. "You used the same words you said to Peter, 'Do you love me?'"

Spirit smiled, saying nothing.

"We answered, 'Yes, Lord.' And then you said, 'Feed my sheep.'" Mishalariah’s brow furrowed. “We are feeding your sheep. Your children. We feed them every Sunday and sometimes on Wednesday night.”

His smile spread further across his face.

"And then you said, "I am calling you into ministry."

"Do you think it unusual to hear those words?"

She shrugged.

"When you guard your heart with my words, it will be my words you hear when I call."

"But I thought we were already in ministry."

"I am calling you into a ministry that requires much study. Have you not heard? 'Study to show thyself approved, rightly dividing the word of truth.'" Spirit leaned forward and cupped Mishalariah's face in his hands. Tell her, "EITHER TRAIN OR SHUT YOUR MOUTH. THE DECISION. IS YOURS."

"I will tell her."

They sat together in silence until Mishalariah reached under her pillow, pulled out a brightly printed page, and handed it to him.

"She created it on September 6, 2010. Ra'ah means 'to see' and 'Ma'aseh' means works and/or business." Mishalariah pointed. "And look, Study the Word of God is third on the list."

Spirit smiled. "She looks just like you. And she's wearing the ruby dress, the dress of the redeemed.”

He leaned back into the soft folds of the blue velvet chair. “Thousands, upon thousands of my daughters will wear that dress and dance before me in unison." His eyes glistened with unspent tears. "They will honor me with their love even though their lives were consumed by seemingly endless painful circumstances.” He shook his head as his eyes fixed on a distance point on the other side of the door. “So many had dreams that never came true, yet still they dance."

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“Yes?”

“I am grateful for the mission you have given to us.”

Spirit cocked his head to one side. “But…?”

Her chest rose and fell as she released a long, dissatisfied sigh.

Spirit crossed his legs and shifted his weight in the blue velvet chair. “The children are wonderful. Aren’t they?”

Mishalariah’s eyes widened and her head bobbed wildly in agreement. “The ideas you give us to teach are remarkable.” She smiled as she looked down at the Ayin. “They aren’t just remarkable; they’re amazing. Like the Cain and Able Bible study. We told the children to create a collage of a sacrifice they would give if they had been in their place. It had to be an offering of what they already owned, or something they wished they could have.” She swiped right across the Ayin’s surface and then held it up for him to see. “Look. Aren’t they beautiful?”

Spirit leaned in close and nodded. “Show me the Ezekiel lesson. The one where the rivers of water are flowing from the temple.”

“Oh, yes! I almost forgot!” She swiped left, then right, then left again. “Here it is. The children are taking turns reading through the chapter. Every time they read the word ‘water’, they have to take a drink.”

Spirit’s eyes glistened. “They will remember that for the rest of their lives.” Then he tilted his head and squinted slightly. “What song is that?”

“It’s called Living Water, by Cross Movement. We thought it fit the theme.”

Spirit nodded. “I like that very much.”

Mishalariah swiped left several times. “Do you remember the Bible study from Exodus 17?”

“Let me see it again.”

She turned the Ayin around. “Look. The children are re-enacting the scene with the swords they drew and cut out themselves. Every time Moses put his arms down, the Israelites started losing the battle. And every time his arms are lifted up, they started winning.”

Spirit’s smile stretched across his broad face. “Another lesson they will remember forever.”

“And the Christmas play.” Mishalariah laid her hand on her breast. “Promises, Promises. Who says children can’t learn scripture?”

Spirit turned his head and gazed through the doorway, out into the darkness. “Children as young as five once memorized the whole of the Torah.”

Mishalariah beamed. “That’s why we love that play. The ending requires each child to memorize one of your promises.”

Spirit leaned back and swiveled back and forth in the chair. "Do you remember which ones?"

Mishalariah smiled, nodded, and closed her eyes. "John 3:16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."

"I love that one."

"John 14:2-3 In my father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am."

"That's very true."

"Acts 2:38-39 Peter replied, 'Repent, and be baptized, every one of you, in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins. And you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit. The promise is for you and your children and for all who are far off—for all whom the Lord our God will call.'"

"Also, true," Spirit said, laughing.

"Matthew 6:33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well."

"I am your provider."

"Luke 11:9 So, I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you."

“Wasn't that the scripture on your wedding invitations?"

Mishalariah continued reciting as if she did not hear. "James 1:5 If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him." She took a short breath. "John 6:35 Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty."

Spirit leaned forward. "You have no idea how much the children will benefit from learning these things."

Mishalariah opened her eyes. "That's what’s bothering me. What if she teaches them something wrong?"

"Didn't she attend bible classes at the Harty Bible School?"

"We only studied Genesis. She dropped out right in the middle of Exodus." Mishalariah shrugged. "It's hopeless; she gets so distracted. I mean, right now, she… we are following your lead, but I am afraid she will become emboldened to deliver her own truths and not yours."

"Why do you suspect that?"

"Well—"

"Go on." Spirit’s eyes softened. "You can confess anything to me without fear."

Mishalariah covered her face with her hands. "She didn't tell the truth. When her sales manager asked why she was having so much success in her engagements, she told him exactly what he wanted to hear."

"What is the truth, Mishalariah?"

"The truth is you empower her. You give her knowledge. You give her favor." Mishalariah gazed up at him, her eyes wide with awe. "People melt in her hands because of you. Peace follows her wherever she goes because of you."

"Why do you think she held back?"

Mishalariah shook her head. "She has no faith in humans. And even she, herself, is obsessed with worldly things."

"Aren't you both busy with worldly things? The things you produce are quite amazing."

"That's just it! I don't want to worry about worldly things. I could care less about writing code or delivering automation systems! What does that have to do with anything?" She pouted. "I can see already how people could take her ideas and twist them for evil purposes."

Spirit smiled. "It is the desire of her heart, Misha. Be patient. The time will come for you to have the desires of your heart too."

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… I pressed into the next iteration scheduled to begin on December 3, 2007, and end on February 1, 2008.

Between those two dates, just two days before Christmas, my younger brother died. He was only forty-four years old. His death came to us with such furious winds and turbulent waves that we all slipped into a deep sea of sorrow.

My boyfriend’s death in 1975 swept me into deep, murky waters. Barely alive, I languished under the waves for more than a decade. However, when my father passed in 1989, I discovered God’s willingness to lift me out and give life to my desire to truly live.

On the morning my brother died, my Bethlehem kids were all set to perform our Christmas play—Promises, Promises. We reenacted that same play every year because it taught the children about God’s promises to his people over the millennia.

His promise to Noah was that he would never destroy the earth again with water. He promised Abraham that he would become a father of many nations. He also promised David that his progeny would reign on the throne forever. And then finally, through Christ Jesus, he promises us so many things. One of my favorite promises is this: “I will never leave you, nor forsake you.”

When my brother left this earth, God did not leave me in my grief. Nor did he forsake me in my sorrow. That was the only reason I got to the end of the third and final Elaboration iteration. The iteration assessment that was recorded on 2/08/2008 reports what I accomplished and what I left undone.

Elaboration 3 Assessment

Major Accomplishments

I was so unsure of myself. I had been away from source code production for so long that I didn’t believe I could pull this off without [CTO]. I headed into this iteration with a cloud of doom over my head so heavy that it made it hard to stay on track.

But I did it! I now know how Z-Wave networks work and how to install and manage them. I know how wonderful it is to have home automation. I know what SDK to use for the foundation of the product line - which was not an easy decision; I tossed and turned many nights going over the pros and cons of HomeSeer vs. ControlThink. I developed a prototype in a programming language and development environment that I never used before; the ControlThink SDK and samples made it so easy. I now know that the client and web applications will be developed in a .NET framework. I know what the software architecture looks like. I know how to plan the development effort. I even created futuristic logos and drafted a futuristic website for T-Communications.

And all of this was accomplished for less than $500.

God is good... Praise God!

Major Adjustments

Major adjustments and some very tough decisions did have to be made though.

Due to the long and difficult SDK decision and unfamiliarity with the .NET framework, a prototype was developed instead of the actual implementation; the implementation will be completed during construction. I will work part-time to implement device related functionality in C1 & C2 but I have to return to consulting full-time in order to generate income to help contract resources for C3, C4 & T1.

Unfortunately, during the successive Construction iterations 1 and 2, I kept falling further and further behind. Writing code in my spare hours was not working out. I needed more time, so on May 30, 2008, I took a three-month sabbatical to focus on my project. We also moved out of Mom’s attic because my daughter graduated from college and Noble was biting at the bit to live in his own home.

On March 26, 2008, I wrote:

"Lord You are good, and Your mercies endure forever!

Noble and I are now the proud owners of a BEAUTIFUL house, a new contemporary house that has a view of rolling hills and trees, has a safe driveway, tons of square footage in the main living areas & a really snazzy master bath—this house fulfills the desires of my heart.1 Thank you, Father.

Your will for me is also 3 full months to work on my product without having to be employed at the same time.

Lord, you know (to humans) these two desires in combination do not work and I must confess my doubt. But forgive me Lord for my unbelief and help me to believe and trust that if You can make one happen, You can certainly bring about the other."

After settling into our new home in June, I got right to work. By the end of August, only six weeks later than scheduled, I had a working web application. With it, a user could create and manage their Lifetime account. However, they could not add or use automation devices like in the prototype.

I could not figure out how to access the devices through the internet.

Undeterred, I took the web application to a local conference where four young women spent five minutes of their lifetime interacting with the next generation of home management software. Their feedback was amazing. They verified what the application was for and what its potential was—just by navigating the website. The application also performed flawlessly; there were no bugs and no crashes.

At the end of the summer, I had to go back to consulting full time. However, in the isolated depths of the basement closet that served as my home office, I continued to work under the software-producing arm of my newly established business, Salt Productions, LLC.

The work was grueling; I performed the duties of every executive office, from the CEO to the COO.

I agonized over financial spreadsheets, cultivated strategic relationships with home automation partners, and meticulously analyzed the market.

Also on my shoulders was the design of installation packages, distribution channels, and marketing strategies, even as I struggled to keep up with the demanding, and relentless, software development schedule.

When my contract ended on December 11, 2009, I was exhausted. Concerned about my health, I went to see a doctor. She immediately checked my hemoglobin.

It was 4.5 g/dL.

A healthy hemoglobin range for a female is between 12-16 g/dL., and healthcare providers get extremely concerned when it falls below 7 g/dL. Anything below 7 g/dL is life-threatening.

I was at death’s door.

Career Dream #5: Fulfilled 2008 (Salt Productions)

Daughter’s College Education Dream: Fulfilled 2008 (University of Maryland). We celebrated the graduation at The George in Washington, DC. The dinner reminded me of the 1987 movie, Babette's Feast—each course served with a perfectly paired wine. I dreaded the bill, but I never got it. The abundant wine was a generous gift to their favorite hostess; she had worked there part-time during her last years of school.

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